Why I Wear a Kippah?

I decided that I should put the answer to this question in writing to mark where I have been these last few months, assuming that my reasons and thoughts behind it will evolve and change over the coming months. First, though, I want to point out that the kippot I wear have all been handmade by family members or bought from a non-profit whose purpose I support. I wear a kippah because it helps me stay humble and grounded. I always have something on the top of my head, both pushing me down towards humility and grounding but also to protect me from all that is out there around me. I do not wear it 24/7. I don't sleep in it or feel like I have to have it on while I'm home or even when I'm out and about. That's not what it's about. I wore my kippah today on my way to my haircut, and while waiting was asked by someone why I wear it? I have different answers to that question depending on a lot of factors, and today chose to say that I'm a Reform Jew and that within that movement a woman can wear a kippah the same as a man, either wearing it or not wearing it or doing something in between. And because I am a Reform Jew, I am not bound by commandments that have no meaning or bearing on my modern life, so I chose to leave the salon and walk home without wearing my kippah. I just got a great haircut! I've been really sick and this haircut made me feel better! I feel light and happy with my haircut, and dammit, I don't want to feel humble or grounded as I walk home. That's where I'm at today, and I fully anticipate that my reasons will probably be renegotiated this next year. May I always be flexible in deciding what I do or don't want to do. Stay tuned.

My First Israeli Haircut

So my hair has been bugging me for a while now. I've been regretting not getting it cut shorter before I left the States, and it has grown so much since I've been here (apparently your hair grows a lot faster when it is sunny and hot). The problem has been where can I go where someone speaks good English and also charges reasonable fees. The only recommendations I've received have come from men who go to barbers, and pretty much all the men have gotten their hair cut by Yacov and, well, they all kind of look alike now. So a few of the New Yorkers among us sent me to a small shop down Azza. An HUC student was there waiting to get a cut with the man who speaks good English, and although the prices weren't really what I was looking for, I decided to go for the English speaker over somewhat trivial costs, knowing that I was only going to get the barbershop cut for the barbershop price. I love the men who are students at HUC, but I'll pass on looking like them. So I got to watch the student/friend get her haircut and felt very confident that I would receive the same care and attention. It felt very Eurochic, with metrosexual men and everything. It was Jerusalem trying hard to be Tel Aviv but not quite making the cut. I got what I wanted, plus some I think -- the right length and the right layers, although he made these weird random long pieces -- too Eurochic for me -- and so he cut them off at the end and I was on my way. The experience was very big city American as I lost count of how many times I turned down money making offers from the metrosexuals. Yes, my hair has become more brittle since being here (apparently sandstone is in the water which causes damage), but I will continue using my Pantene 2 in 1 and some spray on conditioner until I get back Stateside and get fed some more of the same bullshit by the stylists in Los Angeles. Some things never change and truly are universal.

I Am Finally Returning From The Dead

So about 10 days ago I got really sick. Apparently I'd been harboring some funky bacteria/parasites in my GI tract and then I also got a bad case of the flu, all at the same time. I can't remember the last time I was so sick for so long -- totally miserable. Rachel is wonderful as always, and skipped 2 days of ulpan to stay home and take care of me (it is a big deal to miss 2 consecutive days of ulpan). There is a good, reputable medical clinic in Jerusalem that has English speaking doctors, and so I went there and saw a very good doctor. Labs showed one of my medications I take regularly was too high, I'm anemic, dehydrated and needed antibiotics. Rachel left for the states Friday morning, and I chose to stay home and get some of my energy back Friday and Saturday, and I went out today for the first time since last Friday except for the day I went to the doctor. Having absolutely no obligations or commitments is a very cool thing in times like this. So I'm back, and I've already posted some new pictures on DropShot of the egalitarian section of the Western Wall as well as pictures of our day trip to Tel Aviv. I haven 't put captions on yet because DropShot redid their website and I don't know how to do some basic things yet. Oh, and I'm now on Facebook, so check me out. No matter how old I get or what country I'm living in, I still find that I want my Mama to be around to take care of me when I'm sick. I hope I can pass this feeling on to my own kids someday.

Profiling and Bigotry Know No Borders

Profiling is wrong. It is wrong no matter where you are and no matter how much you might not like the person being profiled. In Washington, DC, having come from the naivety and innocence of small town life, I didn't really understand what "driving while black" meant at first. When I would pass a car pulled over by several police officers and see that the inhabitants of that car were all black, I found it interesting and curious but never really thought that it was intentional. For a while I would even guess before I saw the color of the skin of the people in the car whether they were black or white. I quickly saw that it was a stupid game to play because 9 times out of 10 the people were all black. It disgusted me more and more as I lived more and more years in DC. When we moved out to Silver Spring we saw the same thing happening -- profiling -- to Mexican and Central American people. Too many police present for a routine traffic stop and people of color sitting in the cars or on the curbs looking like deer caught in headlights, scared for what this would mean for their lives, their futures, their families, their livelihoods. The one thing people of color cannot do is ask questions about why they were pulled over, why they are being interrogated, why their car is being searched. why there are so many officers present. Why no questions? We remember Rodney King.

Rachel and I were out at the grocery store late one night in Silver Spring. We were stopped next to a Montgomery County Police cruiser with a white female officer inside. We sat and watched as she typed in the license plate numbers of the cars around us into her computer, obviously hoping to find a reason to make a traffic stop. As we turned at the light she turned with us and we watched as she, with great ease, continued typing in number after number. Did I fail to mention that license plate numbers entered belonged to cars driven by people of color? So what might one say in reaction to all of this? Leave America! Go abroad to another country where things are better. Go to where 'isms are not institutionalized nor internalized or have not had time to do so.

Well, that's kind of what we did when we came to Israel. Except I quickly saw one of my favorite sayings "same shit different day" alive and well here in Israel, except it makes more sense here to say "same shit different country." Our first week here we were walking down Emek Refaim in the German Colony one evening, and we came upon a young Arab woman dressed trendy-traditional who had been stopped by several female Israeli military police. They were looking at all of her IDS, radioing information to someone else. The woman looked scared and mortified, and I couldn't tell if the police were trying to provoke those feelings in her or whether they were simply doing their jobs. I wanted so badly to go up to the young woman and tell her how sorry I was that she was having to go through that public embarrassment. But the last thing I would do is come between an Israeli officer and an Arab engaged in a dispute. Today I was out walking near the Old City. There was a random group of police officers, and who had been stopped by them? Yes, a young Arab woman dressed trendy-traditional, looking scared and mortified. Again, my initial reaction was to go up to her and apologize for all the wrongs in the world that affect so many different people. But all I could do was keep walking, not wanting to attract any extra attention to my harmless self.

I know that in a lot of ways, it's not the white male MPD officer's fault that he feels compelled to randomly stop black people. He's been taught to do that since he was a baby. Sadly, though, most police officers like him will never try and break out of the institutionalized and internalized racism that has been present in every day of their lives. Who really wants to give up privilege without gaining something more than self respect back? I believe that not all Israeli's are anti-Arab and want all Arabs to die. But there are some who do, and those beliefs seem to have been internalized by, for example, the IDF. I have heard friends here say that soldiers have to make themselves hate Arabs, otherwise how would they be able to do their jobs. When you are taught to feel a certain way, far more people will adopt that way of thinking than not. It is difficult and scary to stand up for others and as a result stand up for yourself. I don't believe that all Nazis truly detested Jews. Some had to do so to save their own lives and be able to fulfill their horrid job descriptions. Rachel is back in the states for a week. She just told me that when she and her classmate were waiting for a taxi Friday morning, one finally stopped, but when the driver saw that they were going to the airport he told them to go with someone else who is not Arab like he was because there are 3 roadblocks Arab taxi drivers have to go through before being able to drop off folks at the terminal. He said it would take too long.

So this kind of brings me to my final thoughts. Many Israeli's would say that the security wall is horrible and that they want to be able to live in peace with Arabs. But they will also say that since the wall was put up and new security measures were put in place, Israel has been safe and quiet for about 3 years in regards to terrorist attacks, excluding the war with Hezballah of course. I value freedom and civil liberties, but I also value safety and security -- I value my life and the lives of others. Why do we have to choose? It's a guilt ridden choice for me to make. Can we have both? In America, Israel, Europe, etc.? It seems to me like the Bush administration argues that in order to preserve freedom and liberty, we must brutalize the rest of the world for no good reason, never really stopping to look for better tactics or solutions. This seems like something thought up by a neanderthal. Okay, it was. Israeli's like Americans because of our modern and hip culture and because they think we don't like Arabs and Palestinians, ultimately, I think, because they are Muslim, and of course all Muslims are terrorists. This is not why I want to be liked. Coming from the states with my own internalized dislike of Arabs and Muslims, thanks to American media, I had high hopes that my thoughts and feeling on the Arab-Israeli conflict would be altered in such a way that I would be much more in the grey than in the black and white. I think that is happening, and that makes me very happy. I hope to be able to write about this subject many more times this next year, each time being different from the last, but each time evolving and keeping me in the middle. In this part of the world, 10 months is a very long time, and I hope that the events which shape my views on this issue during the next 10 months come out of progress and not tragedy.

Black and White -- My Two New Least Favorite Colors

I wrote this post about 10 days ago (8/9), never finished it and never sent it, so I am posting it now. I'm not in a place today where I need to talk about black and white thinking, but trust me, being in Jerusalem will trigger feelings, probably in the next week, so stay tuned.

I've been in a bit of a slump since last week which is why you haven't heard from me I guess. The middle of last week I had a few days where I felt kind of homesick, lonely and sad. Part of me feels like it might have been a natural reaction to the acupuncture treatment I had just a day or so before, the first I've had in about two months. Since then I've been feeling incredibly bored. You might be thinking, well Amy, there's plenty to keep you busy in Jerusalem. I didn't mention the second part of how I was feeling: extremely unmotivated. So combine bored with unmotivated and you've got yourself an Amy who sat around a lot doing nothing, walked around the small apartment too much, checked my email every few minutes, etc. etc. The smallest task seemed too big, and I kept putting things off even though doing them would alleviate boredom to some extent and stop Rachel from nagging to a large extent. But I have been a consistently good wife, doing most of the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, packing Rachel's lunch, etc.

So it seems like what happened is that I transitioned from homesick/lonely/sad to really feeling annoyed with and angry at Jerusalem society and culture, and now I'm kind of stuck there. Stuck on the black/white thinkers and sexism parts the most, although there are others. Here's a few examples of sexism that I have experienced. I posted an ad on Janglo (Jerusalem Anglo's), a Craigslist type forum for English speakers living in Israel, saying that I am interested in hourly or part time work. I got a response from "Schmoving" asking if I am a boy or a girl. I replied "a woman, actually, not that it matters" and then sent another reply asking if "Schmoving" means it is a moving company." He responds "Yes, and if you were a boy we could maybe hire you." I replied that "I'm stronger than many men, your loss" and his final response was "It is very simple; schlepping in a moving company is not suitable for women" and he said he couldn't figure out from my email what my gender is or he never would have responded to my post (Ami is a common name here for both males and females, and people equate Amy with Ami, thus confusing some people). Whatever. This pissed me off so much -- my immediate reaction was how can I start a women only moving company in Jerusalem and try to steal all of Schmoving's clients! Another example is how people, men mostly, react to me, a woman, wearing a kippah. Religious people don't say anything, or at least they haven't yet, they just stare rudely. Secular Israelis are another story. I guess it's been twice now that while in the shuk, I walk up to a kiosk and start talking to the owner and/or employees. They clearly know from the time I walked up to them and started talking to them that I am woman. Both times one of the men will ask me if I am a man or woman, I say back "What the fuck do you think" and they then look at my chest and say "Woman." It's amazing how backwards Israel is in some ways. I will say I've also had great experiences where, in the shuk, to stick with the same example, I've had many men acknowledge my kippah and acknowledge Reform Judaism, progression, modernity and a "the times they are a changin'" mentality. These are breaths of fresh air in a city that operates in many dominant ways in a black and white paradigm. There is so little gray here. And this is coming from a person who has a tendency to be very black or white, all or nothing. I feel that even though there are a lot of secular Jews in Jerusalem, they still allow the religious community to establish all of the social norms. In my opinion, Mea She'arim is like Disney World -- it's not really real, it's like living in a fantasy world and you can walk through and look at all the craziness but realize as you exit the park that it needs to stay behind, that it has no real place in the larger world. Would we let Mickey Mouse dictate our social norms?

So It's Not An Act of G_D....

I went for my first appointment with my new acupuncturist this morning. It was about a 40 minute walk and hadn't gotten too hot yet. I didn't get lost although found it difficult to enter the building from the correct place. She was great, the appointment, treatment and location were great, it felt very familiar with my practitioner and treatments back in Silver Spring. I have not had a treatment for about 2 months and I have been able to tell for a while now. Knowing that she can help me this next year and feeling like I am being taken care of is a wonderful feeling. Anyway, about that act of G_d. Yesterday I posted about the weather and how heat waves can be broken without rain. My acupuncturist has been living in Jerusalem since 1983 so she knows the seasons and patterns quite well. She explained to me that strong increases in wind is what breaks heat waves here. She pointed out that it was a bit windy Saturday evening and as a result was a few degrees cooler yesterday than Saturday and that the same thing happened last night -- more wind and thus a few degrees cooler today than yesterday. I also asked her about the seasons, temperature and weather patterns in Jerusalem (it is important to note that she has seen global warming in action, namely seen by less and less annual rainfall). The summer/hot/dry months account for about half the year, approximately May-September. The first rain is often on Sukkot depending on how early or late it is and seems to be Washington, DC style -- rainy and cool or sunny and hot. Either the sukkah gets blown apart at some point or you sit it in sweating and miserable. October and November are moderate to cool temperature wise (upper 50s-lower 70s) and have sporadic rain, with the rain increasing the closer it gets to December. Rain increases and temperatures drop in December, and January and February are the coldest, wettest and most miserable months. March and April are somewhat similar to October and November -- mostly moderate temperatures and slowly decreasing amounts of rain. Come Passover, like Sukkot, the weather quickly changes and it is suddenly becomes hot, dry and sunny summertime. I'm just relieved that I will be able to wear all of the long sleeve shirts and pants I brought. I guess I was in denial that summer lasts a good 5 months as I didn't bring as many summer clothing choices as I should have. I've only been here 6 weeks, and it already seems strange to me that in another few months I will have to actually pay attention to the forecast so I know if I need to wear my rain jacket or not. But for now, the wind is slowly doing it's thing, and hopefully by the end of the week I'll be able to wear long sleeve or a jacket in the evening, just like it's meant to be in Jerusalem.

So What Exactly Breaks A Heat Wave In Jerusalem?

So it has been extremely hot for the past week or so. 100 degree days, 80 degree nights, barely a hot breeze if any breeze at all, actual humidity, blistering sun and sweating so much that I think I'm kind of dehydrated. At Shabbat dinner a few of us were talking about what actually breaks a heat wave in Israel. In the States, where it is humid in probably 80% of the country all summer, those dreaded yet wonderful evening thunderstorms are what usually breaks all of those heat waves, at least for a little bit if not for a few days. We all dread the chance that we will lose power, airports become chaotic with canceled flights and disgruntled passengers and we often get drenched as we are caught out in the sudden downpour. But the beauty of it is that once the storms move out of the area it can often be quite cool and a little breezy. We are all used to this as we spend year after year in certain parts of the States. It is pretty much all I've known since the same thing happens in Barboursville, Athens and WDC. So as we all talked on Friday night we none knew what breaks a heat wave here. I was joking that when I had checked the long range forecast for Jerusalem, which covered 5 days, the first 4 days had a great big sun on it and really hot temperatures, while the 5th day had a great big sun on it and a few little clouds. Maybe that's the breaker here in Israel. It is almost always clear, blue skies here all summer, so seeing a few clouds on the extended forecast was interesting to me. I went out today, mid afternoon, to meet Rachel so we could run some errands. We noticed as we were out that the sky was becoming a bit overcast with some passing clouds. The wind had picked up some and I said to Rachel that it really feels like it is going to rain. We live in a land of miracles, so to speak, and there's a better chance that some would repeat themselves before we would get a random storm in the middle of summer here in Jerusalem. I am curious enough now about how a heat wave in Jerusalem breaks, so if I find anything interesting out I'll let y'all know. All I really care about right now is the temperature here returning to the mid 80s during the day and the wonderful, cool and breezy mid 60s at night.